Winning Friends and Influencing People Minute Mantra

Making and keeping friends at any age requires work.  Having the ability to influence others in a positive way in life, friendship and business is essential.  By keeping a few ideas front of mind when you are in the company of others you will make a big difference in the way people perceive you and your ideas.

Dale Carnegie wrote some of the most compelling ideas about making genuine friends and influencing people in his book How To Win Friends and Influence People

He breaks down the model into four components: handling people, making people like you, moving people to your way of thinking and being a leader.  This is a summary of the ideas for each of these four components.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader

A leader’s job often includes changing people’s attitudes and behavior.  Some suggestions to accomplish this:

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.  Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement.  Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Source: Carnegie, Dale, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, 1936, Simon & Schuster, New York, NY

Minute Mantra
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Become genuinely interested in other people.
3. Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.
4. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
5. Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
8. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
9. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
10. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

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